The gym and social anxiety

Why the gym is hard

The gym combines several things that feed social anxiety. You are in a bright room, often with mirrors. Other people seem to know what they are doing. You may not know how a machine works. You are sweating and red-faced. And your body is on show.

Common fears include:

• “Everyone will see I don’t know what I’m doing.”
• “People will judge my body or how weak I am.”
• “I’ll use a machine wrong and someone will say something.”
• “I’ll have to ask someone if they’re finished with the equipment.”

When you feel watched, you start watching yourself, which makes you more self-conscious and clumsy. What keeps social anxiety going explains the loop.

The feeling of being watched is strong but mostly wrong. In the “spotlight effect” experiments, people wearing an embarrassing T-shirt into a room expected far more people to notice it than really did. At the gym, most people are thinking about their own workout, their music or their own body. Feeling watched has more on this.

Many people find that exercise helps with anxiety. A study of posts on Reddit found that people with social anxiety often said being active or outdoors made them feel better. For others, the same places triggered the feeling of being watched. Both experiences are common.

What people with social anxiety often do

• Pay for a membership and never go.
• Only go when the gym is empty, such as late at night.
• Stick to one machine in a corner, even if it is not the one they need.
• Wear baggy clothes and headphones and never look up.
• Leave if someone is waiting for their machine.
• Never ask staff for help.

These are safety behaviours and avoidance. They make the visit bearable but keep the fear going, because you never learn that people mostly ignore you. In an experiment, safety behaviours and watching yourself turned out to be unhelpful in several ways.

Small steps to try

This is an example exposure ladder: steps you face on purpose, easiest first. Repeat each one until it feels easier, then move up.

1. Look at the gym’s website or a video tour, so you know the layout.
2. Visit at a quiet time just to look around, or to sign up.
3. Do 15 minutes on one machine you know, such as a bike or treadmill, at a quiet time.
4. Stay 30 minutes and try one new machine. Read the instructions on it, or look up a video first.
5. Go at a busier time.
6. Ask a member of staff to show you how something works.
7. Ask someone if they are finished with a machine, or if you can share.
8. Join a group class, and stand in the middle rather than at the back.

At each step, drop one safety behaviour. Take your headphones out for part of the session. Look around the room now and then, and notice what other people are doing. Most are not looking at you.

If the gym is not for you yet

You do not have to start at the gym. Walking, running, cycling, swimming, or exercising at home with videos all count. For some people, going with a friend is a good middle step, as long as you also try going alone later.

When to get more help

If fear of being watched stops you exercising, going to shops or using public transport, it may be part of a wider social anxiety. Is it social anxiety? can help you think it through. The best-tested therapy is cognitive therapy for social anxiety. A CBT self-help book is a good start if you cannot get therapy yet.

If sweating or blushing is what you dread most, see sweating and blushing.