Exposure on your own

At a glance

Compared with waiting

Self-help programmes built around exposure beat waiting in trials in Sweden and Australia, especially with some support.

Compared with other treatments

In a UK trial, exposure with relaxation, led by a therapist, helped 42 in 100 lose the diagnosis, compared with 84 in 100 after cognitive therapy that also worked on safety behaviours.

What it takes

Free. It takes regular practice, several times a week, over weeks to months.

What it is

Exposure means facing a feared situation on purpose, in small steps, instead of avoiding it. Exposure on your own means planning and doing those steps yourself, without a therapist.

Exposure is part of every proven therapy for social anxiety. The question is how to do it so it works.

What people report

On Reddit, “face your fears” is the most common advice. It is also the most resented, when people say “just put yourself out there” as if it were easy. People often say things like “I’ve been at this job for months and I still freeze”. Some people say facing feared situations usually went better than they expected. Others ask where to even start. These are reports from people, not trial results.

Both are true. Exposure can work. It often fails when it is done in a way that keeps the fear alive.

What the evidence shows

• Exposure alone helps, but less. In a UK trial of 62 people, exposure with relaxation, led by a therapist, helped 42% lose the diagnosis. Cognitive therapy that also tackled safety behaviours and self-focus helped 84%.
• Safety behaviours block the learning. Safety behaviours are small things you do to avoid looking bad: rehearsing sentences, avoiding eye contact, gripping a glass. In a small study of 8 people, exposure while dropping safety behaviours reduced anxiety more than exposure alone. An experiment found safety behaviours and self-focus made things worse, even though people believed they helped.
• Self-practice with a placebo pill helped less than therapy. In a UK trial, people told to do exposure on their own, with a medicine or a placebo, did less well than people in cognitive therapy.
• Self-help programmes built around exposure can work. In Sweden, a CBT book and an online course both beat waiting. In Australia, a book worked best when a therapist supported it with a few group sessions.

How to do it

1. Make a ladder. List 8 to 10 situations you avoid. Rate how scary each one is from 0 to 100. Start with one around 30 to 40.
2. Write a prediction. Before each step, write what you fear will happen. For example: “My voice will shake and the cashier will look at me strangely.”
3. Drop one safety behaviour. Do the step without your usual protection. Look at people. Don’t rehearse.
4. Put your attention outward. Notice the other person, what they say and what is around you, instead of checking how you look.
5. Stay long enough to learn something. Don’t escape the moment the anxiety rises.
6. Compare. Afterwards, write what actually happened. Did your prediction come true?
7. Skip the post-mortem. Replaying the event afterwards, looking for mistakes, keeps the fear going. When you notice it, write down what happened once and then move on.
8. Repeat, then climb. Do each step several times before moving up.

What keeps social anxiety going explains why these steps matter. The situation pages, such as phone calls and work meetings, have example ladders.

When to get more help

Exposure on your own is hard. If you have tried for a while and are stuck, that is common, and it is not your fault. A structured programme can make it work better:

• A CBT self-help book gives you a plan.
• Guided internet CBT adds a therapist’s support.
• Cognitive therapy for social anxiety has the best results.
• VR exposure therapy can make the first steps smaller.

If you feel very low or are drinking to cope, see depression and social anxiety or alcohol and social anxiety. If you are thinking of harming yourself, use crisis lines now.