Job interviews and social anxiety

Why interviews are so hard

In most social situations, you fear being judged. In an interview, you really are being judged. That makes it one of the most feared situations for people with social anxiety.

The fear can start long before the interview. Some people do not apply for jobs at all, or only apply for jobs where they will not have to talk much. A US study of 265 unemployed adults found that job seekers with social anxiety saw more barriers to getting work and were less likely to aim for jobs that involve dealing with people.

Interviews bring several common fears together: going blank, your voice shaking, blushing, and not knowing what to do with your hands. What keeps social anxiety going explains why these fears grow when you watch yourself closely.

Two findings may help:

• Your nerves show less than you think. In a set of experiments, people believed their inner feelings showed much more than they did. Interviewers also expect candidates to be a bit nervous.
• People like you more than you think. After a conversation with someone new, people usually underestimate how much the other person liked them.

What people with social anxiety often do

• Not apply, or withdraw just before the interview.
• Memorize long answers word for word, then freeze if the question is a little different.
• Avoid eye contact and give very short answers to get it over with.
• Spend days replaying the interview afterwards, sure they failed.

Preparing is good. Memorizing a script is a safety behaviour: something you do to feel safer that keeps the fear going. Learn your main points, not exact sentences.

Small steps to try

This is an example exposure ladder: steps you face on purpose, easiest first. Do each step a few times before moving up.

1. Write short notes for common questions, such as “Tell me about yourself” and “Why do you want this job?” Three points each, not full answers.
2. Answer the questions out loud, alone. Standing up, as if someone were there.
3. Record yourself answering on your phone and watch it once. Most people find they look calmer than they felt. Note one thing you did well.
4. Practise with a friend or family member who asks the questions in a different order.
5. Do a mock interview with someone you do not know well, such as a careers adviser, a job centre worker or a university careers service.
6. Apply for a job you are not sure you want, and treat the interview as practice.
7. Do a phone or video screening interview.
8. Go to a real interview for a job you want.

During practice, drop one safety behaviour at a time. Look at the person while you answer. Take a pause before answering. A short pause looks thoughtful, not nervous. If you go blank, it is fine to say “Could you repeat the question?”

Practising in virtual reality

Virtual reality (VR) can make practice feel close to the real thing. You wear a headset and answer questions in a virtual room, with virtual people looking at you. You can repeat the first minute many times, which is hard to arrange in real life.

The VR trials for social anxiety mostly tested talks and conversations, not job interviews. In a Swedish trial of 50 people afraid of public speaking, a single session of VR practice with a therapist cut anxiety a lot compared with waiting. A version people later did at home also helped, though it was not tested against a separate group. Interviews are similar: speaking under pressure while being watched.

With a therapist, VR exposure therapy works about as well as real-life practice. VR at home is easier to get but has less evidence. Some job-training programs offer VR interview practice. Use VR as a step on the ladder, then do the real thing.

When to get more help

If anxiety keeps you out of work, it is worth getting help. The best-tested therapy is cognitive therapy for social anxiety. Some job services offer help with anxiety too. In a US trial of 250 job seekers, group therapy focused on work, added to job services, lowered social anxiety a little more than job services alone by the end of treatment. The difference did not last at later check-ups, and the hours people worked were the same.

If going blank or a shaking voice are your main fears, see mind going blank and shaking hands and voice.